ugh! 178.6 That's the magic number that came across my scale this weighinwednesday. Well, I guess I need to back track a bit since it's been a while...let's just put it this weigh, I was doing much better prior to this week. I've fallen off the wagon! Stinx! I've fallen off the wagon & it's hard not to get out of control although I feel that is exactly where I'm heading. I tell you what, I had 1 breakfast taco from Bill Millers & a sweet tea. You would have thought I had a fix. I found myself literally having to force myself not to stop there every moring after that. Eventually I started driving to work a different way so I wouldn't have to pass it by. I hate the idea of having to start all over again, but I know in my heart that's what I'm gonna have to do. Now if I could just quit telling myself, "I'll start tomorrow..." Focus girl, focus!
Father in Heaven, let Your will not mine be done...Amen!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Hmmm, the anticipation is building up...it's almost weighinwednesday! I can say that I haven't had to battle with myself about stepping on the scale prematurely...yet. Today is only Monday, but at least it's bedtime for now. Today was weird, I actually didn't obsess. Maybe I was just to busy to realize that I worked right through lunch. Don't give me the credit though. I'm a teacher and it's very easy to do that. I know ditching meals isn't the healthy way to go, but I'm ok. God knows what my body needs and I'm learning that He will tell me the exact time I need the nourishment and He will even provide. I'm beginning to feel like I can trust God's plan for my eating schedule. I will continue to pray...
Lord of power and might, I pray that I continue to allow myself to feel your mighty strength lifting me up and out of the bottomless stomach pit. Not only for myself Lord, but for others as well. For those who are known to me and for those whom I will probably never meet. I love you Jesus with all my heart! Amen.
Lord of power and might, I pray that I continue to allow myself to feel your mighty strength lifting me up and out of the bottomless stomach pit. Not only for myself Lord, but for others as well. For those who are known to me and for those whom I will probably never meet. I love you Jesus with all my heart! Amen.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Yesterday was WeighinWednesday. You would not believe the anticipation as I jumped out of bed and ran to where we keep the scale (my kids bathroom). Boy did I really have to fight the urges to step on that scale way before Wednesday! I wanted to step on it everyday!!! I wanted know that surely with as much time as I have spent arguing with myself about whether or not I'm really hungry, or whether or not I've eaten enough and as hard as it has been to fight indulgence, I've gotten somewhere!
Let's talk about the OTHER obsession. The one I have with the scale. During my struggle with wanting to weigh everyday, God reminded me over and over: It's not about YOUR struggle. It's not about YOUR feelings of accomplishment, or even about how hard YOU have been working. It's about the battle that has already been won FOR you. The battle my son Jesus fought so that YOU may live forever...
After pulling off any and everything that I felt would weigh over an ounce, I cautiously stepped on the scale. You know the way you step on so gently so that it won't miscalibrate and give you a "wrong reading" <wink> <wink>
I took a deep breath...oh wait...maybe I shouldn't do that because my lungs will be full of air and I might weigh more...stop it and get on the scale...178.4 lbs. I was able to breath again! Thank you Lord! Not that I was testing you or anything.
I get so caught up in the concrete that I ignore or forget about the abstract. You see, the feelings I was seeking, satisfaction and accomplishment with the "I deserve it" attitude, were achieved by the digital number that showed up on the scale after I stepped on it. When in truth, the abstract-behind the scenes, my God was at work in my favor! When I stop to think about this, the joy I feel for losing a few pounds is no longer that joy. My joy is for the realization of the love God has especially for me. It is with that single thought that my heart swells. I love you, I hear. I love you too Lord.
Father in Heaven, the glory is all yours! My accomplishments and endurings are your accomplishments and endurings. Help me to seek you first. Above all, help me to appreciate your never ending love for me, your precious daughter. Amen.
Let's talk about the OTHER obsession. The one I have with the scale. During my struggle with wanting to weigh everyday, God reminded me over and over: It's not about YOUR struggle. It's not about YOUR feelings of accomplishment, or even about how hard YOU have been working. It's about the battle that has already been won FOR you. The battle my son Jesus fought so that YOU may live forever...
After pulling off any and everything that I felt would weigh over an ounce, I cautiously stepped on the scale. You know the way you step on so gently so that it won't miscalibrate and give you a "wrong reading" <wink> <wink>
I took a deep breath...oh wait...maybe I shouldn't do that because my lungs will be full of air and I might weigh more...stop it and get on the scale...178.4 lbs. I was able to breath again! Thank you Lord! Not that I was testing you or anything.
I get so caught up in the concrete that I ignore or forget about the abstract. You see, the feelings I was seeking, satisfaction and accomplishment with the "I deserve it" attitude, were achieved by the digital number that showed up on the scale after I stepped on it. When in truth, the abstract-behind the scenes, my God was at work in my favor! When I stop to think about this, the joy I feel for losing a few pounds is no longer that joy. My joy is for the realization of the love God has especially for me. It is with that single thought that my heart swells. I love you, I hear. I love you too Lord.
Father in Heaven, the glory is all yours! My accomplishments and endurings are your accomplishments and endurings. Help me to seek you first. Above all, help me to appreciate your never ending love for me, your precious daughter. Amen.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
A new day...
Well, the rest of yesterday and today went well. What I mean is, my obsession with food did not surpass my desire to serve my God. Can't say I didn't think about food, but I just didn't indulge. Although, I did resist the temptation to call my husband back yesterday to cancel the route 44 cherry coke I had agreed to have him bring me. Oh and today, I jumped for joy when my stomach gave the first feeling of emptiness, indicating that my body was ready for some nourishment! Whoopee! My husband just looked at me like I was crazy.
"You don't understand, my stomach is finally hungry!! This means I can eat!! Whoopee!" He just shook his head. Easy for him I say. All he has to do is hold his breath whenever he wants to and he'll drop 5 pounds or so!! But nothing could wipe the smile off of my face once my tummy gave its signal...nuh-thing!
I have resisted the tempation to join weight watchers (again) and a gym, well-that's just out of my financial league at the moment. Father God just whispers to me...those things will come...for now, all I want for you to do is focus on me. He is referring to my urge to join weight watchers, create a diet menu, an exercise schedule, etc. You know, all of the things we plan to do but never follow through. Not for the long haul anyways.
Father in heaven, thank you for this initial wisdom and inspiration. I am for certain that You have so much more in store for me and those accompanying me on my journey. Help me to stay focused on the task at hand and allow you to lead me by the hand to freedom. Help me to remember that all you are asking of me at this time, is to focus on you and the rest will come. I love you Jesus, Amen.
"You don't understand, my stomach is finally hungry!! This means I can eat!! Whoopee!" He just shook his head. Easy for him I say. All he has to do is hold his breath whenever he wants to and he'll drop 5 pounds or so!! But nothing could wipe the smile off of my face once my tummy gave its signal...nuh-thing!
I have resisted the tempation to join weight watchers (again) and a gym, well-that's just out of my financial league at the moment. Father God just whispers to me...those things will come...for now, all I want for you to do is focus on me. He is referring to my urge to join weight watchers, create a diet menu, an exercise schedule, etc. You know, all of the things we plan to do but never follow through. Not for the long haul anyways.
Father in heaven, thank you for this initial wisdom and inspiration. I am for certain that You have so much more in store for me and those accompanying me on my journey. Help me to stay focused on the task at hand and allow you to lead me by the hand to freedom. Help me to remember that all you are asking of me at this time, is to focus on you and the rest will come. I love you Jesus, Amen.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
2011...already?
I woke up this morning, feeling pretty good about life. After all, it's January 1, 2011.
2011...already? Father in Heaven, where has the time gone? As I lay there recollecting on the previous festivities, I asked God to reveal to me what He would want for me to do with this new year. Then it hit me. I remembered the depressive moment that hit just a couple of days ago. You see, I'm 40 years old, married to the man of my dreams, we have 5 beautiful healthy children and I'm weigh over my limit. At that time, a couple of days ago, I weighed 184.6 pounds. At 5'2", that's weigh over the "suggested" weight limits. I'm for certain that I've fallen into the obese category being since in the 170's I was borderline. I hit bottom. I felt terrible, my stomach hurt all the time and I couldn't even ride in a car without get carsick. At bedtime I was so thirsty but I wouldn't or should I say couldn't drink any water because I didn't think my stomach could hold one more ounce of anything! Yikes, talk about hitting bottom! I mean really?!? I'm so stuffed that I can't even drink some water...and I'm really thirsty?!? What an awful feeling. I begged my husband to pray for me, because I was so overwhelmed and I felt myself slipping into the dark abyss of nothingness, angry visions, and just unwarrented sadness...
That was a few nights ago, and today, My God has breathed new life into me and given me hope! A hope that I will someday be free of this addiction...to food.
You see, I live and breathe food. Sounds insane, but I probably think about food just as many times it has been quoted that men think about something sexual-which, if my memory serves me well, is about every 3-5 seconds. My thoughts are oversaturated with food. I find myself constantly thinking about it. Most important to me was, when can I eat again?
Start a blog! Start a blog? Yes, start a blog for the whole world to read and to share your journey with you. Your journey to freedom. For where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst. (Matt 18:20) For you see, it won't be me ridding myself of this addiction, but the Lord our God. I've tried several times on my own to do this. Maybe it worked for a while, but I'd always surrender to my temptation. Like a redcovering drug or alcohol addict, it's as if I can't even have a taste of food, for my indulgence gets the best of me, and I can't stop until I'm miserable.
One of the primary components to beating an addiction is by not participating in the act, but how is one not to participate in the act of eating? Don't we have to eat to survive? Good thing I'm not in charge of this feat, God is.
Thank you Father God for the many blessings you have bestowed on me and my family. I ask for your guidance as I embark on this journey you have placed on my heart. I ask special blessings for those closest to me that will be traveling along and for those who travel with me whom I do not even know. Thank you Jesus. I love you, Amen.
2011...already? Father in Heaven, where has the time gone? As I lay there recollecting on the previous festivities, I asked God to reveal to me what He would want for me to do with this new year. Then it hit me. I remembered the depressive moment that hit just a couple of days ago. You see, I'm 40 years old, married to the man of my dreams, we have 5 beautiful healthy children and I'm weigh over my limit. At that time, a couple of days ago, I weighed 184.6 pounds. At 5'2", that's weigh over the "suggested" weight limits. I'm for certain that I've fallen into the obese category being since in the 170's I was borderline. I hit bottom. I felt terrible, my stomach hurt all the time and I couldn't even ride in a car without get carsick. At bedtime I was so thirsty but I wouldn't or should I say couldn't drink any water because I didn't think my stomach could hold one more ounce of anything! Yikes, talk about hitting bottom! I mean really?!? I'm so stuffed that I can't even drink some water...and I'm really thirsty?!? What an awful feeling. I begged my husband to pray for me, because I was so overwhelmed and I felt myself slipping into the dark abyss of nothingness, angry visions, and just unwarrented sadness...
That was a few nights ago, and today, My God has breathed new life into me and given me hope! A hope that I will someday be free of this addiction...to food.
You see, I live and breathe food. Sounds insane, but I probably think about food just as many times it has been quoted that men think about something sexual-which, if my memory serves me well, is about every 3-5 seconds. My thoughts are oversaturated with food. I find myself constantly thinking about it. Most important to me was, when can I eat again?
Start a blog! Start a blog? Yes, start a blog for the whole world to read and to share your journey with you. Your journey to freedom. For where 2 or 3 are gathered in my name, there I am in their midst. (Matt 18:20) For you see, it won't be me ridding myself of this addiction, but the Lord our God. I've tried several times on my own to do this. Maybe it worked for a while, but I'd always surrender to my temptation. Like a redcovering drug or alcohol addict, it's as if I can't even have a taste of food, for my indulgence gets the best of me, and I can't stop until I'm miserable.
One of the primary components to beating an addiction is by not participating in the act, but how is one not to participate in the act of eating? Don't we have to eat to survive? Good thing I'm not in charge of this feat, God is.
Thank you Father God for the many blessings you have bestowed on me and my family. I ask for your guidance as I embark on this journey you have placed on my heart. I ask special blessings for those closest to me that will be traveling along and for those who travel with me whom I do not even know. Thank you Jesus. I love you, Amen.
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